Telling people I was planning to attend my 20-year high
school reunion elicited a range of responses.
They ranged from the general query, “Oh?” to the incredulous, “Why would
you want to do that?” It also was an
easy way to find out if the person I was talking to had any plans to attend any
high school reunion, because they all volunteered that information to me. It seems that feelings about reunions, much
like feelings about high school, are not a middle-of-the-road type of thing.
Here’s my advice on high school reunions: If you attended your high school for any
length of time, you should go. Not so
much for you, but for the people who want to see you. And believe me, there are people who want to
see you. We had a guy transfer in second
quarter of senior year, poor thing. I
can guarantee that he will never attend any reunion, probably because his
loyalties are with his other school, but also I’m betting he thinks no one
remembers him. But I still wonder how
he’s doing, and he was only there for a semester.
I’ve realized, though, that a person’s reaction to the
thought of attending a high school reunion says a lot about who a person
is. For me, there was no way I wasn’t
going. This despite the fact that I
hated high school itself. I always felt
that geography had trapped me in the wrong school and that I was made to go to
the smaller more artsy school where they could wear hats indoors and it didn’t seem
to be so goddamn focused on male sporting achievements. But I lived over on the other side of town
where football (and boys' basketball) was king and so that was the school I
attended. So high school was no fun at
all, in some respects. However, I loved
(and also hated a bit) the throngs of people I attended school with and there
was no way I wasn’t going to catch up with as many of them as possible. For me, the human connections were the
important part of high school and I value, and regularly think about, how those
connections shape me today.
My boyfriend has never attended any reunion and does not
spend time thinking about the past. In
fact, when I ask him specific things about his high school experience, he
pieces together a vague story which always ends with him shuddering; happy to
be far away from that place and person he was.
I’m betting there are schoolmates who would love to catch up with him,
and I’m sure he wouldn’t be opposed to that if it happened organically. But to travel across the country to visit a
place he can’t really remember isn’t something he wants to do.
Another friend insists that no one will remember her. She did graduate early and move on to college
at sixteen, but I question if she is truly forgotten. She went through school from elementary to
high school with the same people, she was in band, and she herself will tell me
stories, using first and last names, about people in her class. If she can remember them so clearly, I’m
betting her name comes up in the “where the heck is she?” conversations at reunions. I think her high school story is that high
school wasn’t relevant to her life—that she faded into the background and
didn’t really emerge until she got out and went to college. It’s her story and I can’t change it, but I
don’t believe it for a minute.
I’ve had other people tell me that they have no desire to
see anyone, that they had no connection, that they hated everyone they went to
school with. I can’t know their high
school experience, but I question the sweeping generalities. There was not a single person to connect
to? There was not the person who sat
behind you in French class and passed notes back and forth? There was not someone you only sort of liked
that you rolled your eyes with as to the general ludicrousness of the
situation? I’m betting there were
connections somewhere and it's worth it go back and revisit those connections.
My reunion was incredibly fun, even though I had the same
conversation repeatedly. Here, I’ll
summarize: “I’m married and have X children, my job’s okay, life is good.” There were variations (not married, divorced,
no kids, job not good, etc.) but that was the gist. Over and over again we told our stories and
they weren’t that different. But the
fact that we were telling them to people who had known us before any of those
things came about made the conversations different, connected in a way you can’t
achieve with friends you’ve made since that time.
Go.
Very nice. It was funny how it was the same conversation over and over. But I LOVED hearing everyone else's version of it. You are right. Go! That is the correct command. I loved high school, mostly, so it was a given that I would be there. And I agree, its not about you, its about the other people. There were people that I didn't see, that I really wanted to catch up with. And no, Facebook, does not substitute. Which is what I hear the young'ens (not sure how to spell that) say. Despite a small lapse, on my part, into the angsty goodness of my high school self, it was a wonderful reunion. Go!
ReplyDeleteI'm a little bit like your bf in that I don't remember much about high school. What I do remember isn't very pleasant. I wouldn't say I hated everyone. I hated a lot of people. While I don't any longer, I don't see a lot of value in reconnecting with people who were mean to me for things that I couldn't control (my last name, my weight, being father-less, being poor, etc.). Facebook has shown me that some of those people have turned out really cool while others are still the same jerks they were back then.
ReplyDeleteI considered going to my 20-year, which was this past weekend. Ultimately, I decided that it probably wouldn't be a whole lot of fun for me, so I didn't go. My high school best friend being dead was the deciding factor. It's hard to imagine going to a reunion without her.